I am sooo angry right now!!!
I was driving home from dinner and I got caught speeding by some shitty van! It flashed and clearly I was caught! I was doing 70km on a 60km rd! Okay....get this....I pride myself of never getting caught speeding and this is my first one I ever got, which is why its such a big deal for me.
The only reason why I even got caught was because the road was a down hill road! Hence my speed had to increase! It wasnt like I was gonna break and slow my speed down when it was a downward road. Thats soo stupid! I swear...I dont have the time and money to deal with this at the moment! today I recently did my AHPRA registration which is where all pharmacy intern students have to do before commencing intern! It cost me $258 which has burned a whole through my wallet! And not only that I purchased my tickets flight back home which also set me back $139! Getting fine is sooo not cool!
If i got caught speeding on a straight road then yes....it was my own stupidity but I was going down hill and my speed automatically increases without me even accelerating/ This is sooo unjust! I am going to call up the Queensland Transport and speak to someone about this. I am sooo sure that they are not allow to catch anyone for speeding when going down hill! HOW RIDICULOUS!!!
ARGHHHHHH!!!!! I dont know how I am going to sleep tonight, let alone concentrate on studying! I have 21 days left till my first exam! Honestly F*** THIS!!!
Gonna call tomr....but doubt I can do anything! My two friends told me that it is not illegal for them to catch me while going downhill! BULLSHIT!!! When I am mad...swearing is a way to let it out.
I know I cant turn back time and just have to pay the fine, move on!!!
ARGHHHH will always remember this day!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
is this it?
Sometimes I feel that I really cant handle certain situations!
Everyone thinks I am some Extrovert type of person who can be put into any scene and will adapt to it like that *snaps fingers* But really...I am not that type of person at all.
Like yesterday, that friend of mine who I wrote in my last post approached me! I just said hi and then completely ignored her. I think its because I was still mad at her. She saw I was giving her the cold shoulder and just walked off.
What was I supposed to do? Go on and act like I am all cool with her betraying me? Or How little she sees our friendship?
I have no idea when we still start talking again and even if we did, I know one things for sure and that is we can never be the same or be close again! It really sucks...I wanted to leave Uni with having lifelong friends....even though I wasn't attracted to her as in more than a friend but I would have still hoped to be friends....I think as soon as we leave uni and start working, we will just distant ourselves and lose contact completely.
Well...what can I do? This is the person I am! I talked to a friend online....I did ask that friend of mine, how to would she deal with betrayal and basically weighing things up.....forgiveness would be her choice. I told her I would find it super hard to forgive because theres not many things that could get to me but if it does then it has to be something big! After i said that....my friend goes to me "well...I'll make sure I don't do anything that can make you mad a me" I said "ur too nice so that will never happen"
That was just being nice because I know even the nicest person can do something one day I might not like....its whether if I see it as something I am strongly against or cant accept which hence will really test my friendship for the person.
Anyways....I have 3 weeks till exams! Time to really get serious with my studies and not bother about anything else. Have 2 exams....nearly at the end of the road. I can almost see it....I have to try or else I will never forgive myself, knowing i did not try in these 3 weeks.
A Out :)
Everyone thinks I am some Extrovert type of person who can be put into any scene and will adapt to it like that *snaps fingers* But really...I am not that type of person at all.
Like yesterday, that friend of mine who I wrote in my last post approached me! I just said hi and then completely ignored her. I think its because I was still mad at her. She saw I was giving her the cold shoulder and just walked off.
What was I supposed to do? Go on and act like I am all cool with her betraying me? Or How little she sees our friendship?
I have no idea when we still start talking again and even if we did, I know one things for sure and that is we can never be the same or be close again! It really sucks...I wanted to leave Uni with having lifelong friends....even though I wasn't attracted to her as in more than a friend but I would have still hoped to be friends....I think as soon as we leave uni and start working, we will just distant ourselves and lose contact completely.
Well...what can I do? This is the person I am! I talked to a friend online....I did ask that friend of mine, how to would she deal with betrayal and basically weighing things up.....forgiveness would be her choice. I told her I would find it super hard to forgive because theres not many things that could get to me but if it does then it has to be something big! After i said that....my friend goes to me "well...I'll make sure I don't do anything that can make you mad a me" I said "ur too nice so that will never happen"
That was just being nice because I know even the nicest person can do something one day I might not like....its whether if I see it as something I am strongly against or cant accept which hence will really test my friendship for the person.
Anyways....I have 3 weeks till exams! Time to really get serious with my studies and not bother about anything else. Have 2 exams....nearly at the end of the road. I can almost see it....I have to try or else I will never forgive myself, knowing i did not try in these 3 weeks.
A Out :)
Monday, October 17, 2011
feelings of....
disappointment!
Tonight I annoyed, angry, sad and confused. Our graduation dinner is in a months time, so a close friend of mine asked me to organise the table arrangements. I didn't mind it....she had 3 other friends! Total 4 of them.....+ Me and 2 of my mates =7
Hence I needed to find 3 more friends. I found them....and tonight, she wanted to pull out of the group. That really annoyed me! Apparently, these two other friends of her are also organising the seating arrangements and she picked to sit with them and not me.
1. It just shows where I stand compare to her other friends in her eyes
2. If so, she should have never asked me to even organise it in the first place.
Anyways....I feel soo betrayed! I dont know how i am gonna even look her in the eyes tomr at uni!....
I guess i am gonna email the QPSA ppzl and let them know we got 6 on our table and get them to randomly allocate 4 other randoms. I have not probs talking to strangers/randoms because i am talkative and easily approachable, but to have this feeling of what she did to me....is not cool! I am hurt...and mad! Dont know how long I will stay mad but one thing is for sure......I am not gonna ever forget this and gonna be hard for me to forgive.
A out >_<''
Tonight I annoyed, angry, sad and confused. Our graduation dinner is in a months time, so a close friend of mine asked me to organise the table arrangements. I didn't mind it....she had 3 other friends! Total 4 of them.....+ Me and 2 of my mates =7
Hence I needed to find 3 more friends. I found them....and tonight, she wanted to pull out of the group. That really annoyed me! Apparently, these two other friends of her are also organising the seating arrangements and she picked to sit with them and not me.
1. It just shows where I stand compare to her other friends in her eyes
2. If so, she should have never asked me to even organise it in the first place.
Anyways....I feel soo betrayed! I dont know how i am gonna even look her in the eyes tomr at uni!....
I guess i am gonna email the QPSA ppzl and let them know we got 6 on our table and get them to randomly allocate 4 other randoms. I have not probs talking to strangers/randoms because i am talkative and easily approachable, but to have this feeling of what she did to me....is not cool! I am hurt...and mad! Dont know how long I will stay mad but one thing is for sure......I am not gonna ever forget this and gonna be hard for me to forgive.
A out >_<''
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Bored....
Ok! So decided add a new entry becuz I am bored at the moment and really have nothing better to do.
I am suppose to do my MPE research and rock up to UNI of a day off to go through the speeches with my gp members. Some reason I cant seem to concentrate tonight and would rather do anything but the MPE!
So I've decided to act as a speech pathologist for the speech and really I have no idea at all really what they do...I mean I know they help patients with swallowing, speech and language difficulties but how? I really must find out by the end of tonight. A 5 minute speech will be quite challenging i think....so I just have to see how much information I can find....Pharmacy is sooo annoying! Like why would I want to know what other health professionals do in detail? I don't think other degrees force their students to study about what pharmacists do in detail! If I wanted to study to become a speech pathologist I would have enrolled in that program....argh!!! Its not cool! >_<''
1hr later.....was just browsing youtube and facebk! Just found out that you can actually block someone and they wont be able to find you on fb! Which is amazing...I found out this guy blocked me! He hates me....i really actually dont know. My reason for hating him is because he is a sly bastard, a jerk and also dating the girl I like. However, thinking about her now....I really dont care and I believe I really have totally lost interest in her. If I ever speak to her again...I just want to her to know "What ever happens, I hope you know...you deserve the best". A small part of me will always have feelings for her...she really is a nice person on the inside but her boyfriend is just a bad influence and shes turned out for the worse, but thats the path she has chosen and so I cant do much. I know there are better friends out there to make!
Anyways....time to start my MPE! hopefully I can make good progress in the next 2hrs and sleep at 12!
A-Out!
I am suppose to do my MPE research and rock up to UNI of a day off to go through the speeches with my gp members. Some reason I cant seem to concentrate tonight and would rather do anything but the MPE!
So I've decided to act as a speech pathologist for the speech and really I have no idea at all really what they do...I mean I know they help patients with swallowing, speech and language difficulties but how? I really must find out by the end of tonight. A 5 minute speech will be quite challenging i think....so I just have to see how much information I can find....Pharmacy is sooo annoying! Like why would I want to know what other health professionals do in detail? I don't think other degrees force their students to study about what pharmacists do in detail! If I wanted to study to become a speech pathologist I would have enrolled in that program....argh!!! Its not cool! >_<''
1hr later.....was just browsing youtube and facebk! Just found out that you can actually block someone and they wont be able to find you on fb! Which is amazing...I found out this guy blocked me! He hates me....i really actually dont know. My reason for hating him is because he is a sly bastard, a jerk and also dating the girl I like. However, thinking about her now....I really dont care and I believe I really have totally lost interest in her. If I ever speak to her again...I just want to her to know "What ever happens, I hope you know...you deserve the best". A small part of me will always have feelings for her...she really is a nice person on the inside but her boyfriend is just a bad influence and shes turned out for the worse, but thats the path she has chosen and so I cant do much. I know there are better friends out there to make!
Anyways....time to start my MPE! hopefully I can make good progress in the next 2hrs and sleep at 12!
A-Out!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Confessions are actually not too bad...
okays...I recently realised something!
In these past couple of days, I found that after a confession to a girl you like is not something you cant get over, especially when she rejects you.
Now...the story goes, I like this close friend of mine...told her how I felt and wanted to know if she felt the same. She asked me how long i have felt this way and I told her that I have for quite sometime now.
She said that it really caught her by surprised and that she never felt that way towards me. She said its not a definite no but she wants to go with the flow and see what happens.
This really reminds me of an episode in HIMYM where they defined this theory where everyone gets caught in the vicious cycle of being hooked. I feel like I am being hooked by her....its like this e.g. "I can't be with you....right now." I think if you like someone u will always know...she definitely doesnt feel that way.
Now there's two options I can take:
1. Go back to being friends and act like everything is fine
2. Slowly become distant to her
At this stage I dont know what route I will take but just have to wait and see...I got too many things to worry about such as final 4wks of Uni and end of pharmacy degree. I cant believe its been 3 yrs since I have been up here....feels like a dream! This experience of being away from home has definitely turned out alot better than I expected....because I have grown and become more independent which I dont think I would have gotten if I got into pharmacy back home. Also the awesome friends I made...I am sure we will be lifelong friends! Thankyou Fate!
Anyways, back to my point...after telling her and she nicely rejected me, I thought I would be pretty heartbroken, but....No! I was fine. It was just better to get it off my chest and felt like whatever the outcome may have been...it was a win for me. Maybe I am just being an optimistic like I always am but yeh....life goes on and there are other girls out there.
I am slowly losing feelings for her as day goes by...i think some people will question how much I liked her....I did like her alot but being the person I am...I dont want to hold onto something thats not worth holding on. Sure I will always have some feelings for her but nothing is going to happen so I have to move on.
Not writing these past couple of days....have made me write quite alot for this post! Until next time.....
A - out :)
In these past couple of days, I found that after a confession to a girl you like is not something you cant get over, especially when she rejects you.
Now...the story goes, I like this close friend of mine...told her how I felt and wanted to know if she felt the same. She asked me how long i have felt this way and I told her that I have for quite sometime now.
She said that it really caught her by surprised and that she never felt that way towards me. She said its not a definite no but she wants to go with the flow and see what happens.
This really reminds me of an episode in HIMYM where they defined this theory where everyone gets caught in the vicious cycle of being hooked. I feel like I am being hooked by her....its like this e.g. "I can't be with you....right now." I think if you like someone u will always know...she definitely doesnt feel that way.
Now there's two options I can take:
1. Go back to being friends and act like everything is fine
2. Slowly become distant to her
At this stage I dont know what route I will take but just have to wait and see...I got too many things to worry about such as final 4wks of Uni and end of pharmacy degree. I cant believe its been 3 yrs since I have been up here....feels like a dream! This experience of being away from home has definitely turned out alot better than I expected....because I have grown and become more independent which I dont think I would have gotten if I got into pharmacy back home. Also the awesome friends I made...I am sure we will be lifelong friends! Thankyou Fate!
Anyways, back to my point...after telling her and she nicely rejected me, I thought I would be pretty heartbroken, but....No! I was fine. It was just better to get it off my chest and felt like whatever the outcome may have been...it was a win for me. Maybe I am just being an optimistic like I always am but yeh....life goes on and there are other girls out there.
I am slowly losing feelings for her as day goes by...i think some people will question how much I liked her....I did like her alot but being the person I am...I dont want to hold onto something thats not worth holding on. Sure I will always have some feelings for her but nothing is going to happen so I have to move on.
Not writing these past couple of days....have made me write quite alot for this post! Until next time.....
A - out :)
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Random thoughts....random feelings...
Its 3AM and I cant sleep! Why....I don't know!
Could it be I am still thinking of what happened a couple of nights ago?....possibly!
Ok! Soo what happened is....by far the most memorable night I've had in Brisbane where after dinner my mate came over and we started to drink! We were having the best time, just laughing and talking about the most random things.
I think alcohol opens you up....well it does for me anyways! With the alcohol in me...I text my close friend and told her i like her. She didn't responded well...and she said that it was awkward. I haven't spoken to her since! What am i suppose to do?...I have just trying to distract by finding things to do these last couple of days and not think about it, but i guess....when i lay in bed at night, i began to think....
oh wells....don't ask me how huge the possibilities is, because we will never know.
You know how ppzl say its hard to be friends with your ex....well what about being rejected by a girl?....especially if u known each other pretty well.
Well...life goes on! Until my next post!
Could it be I am still thinking of what happened a couple of nights ago?....possibly!
Ok! Soo what happened is....by far the most memorable night I've had in Brisbane where after dinner my mate came over and we started to drink! We were having the best time, just laughing and talking about the most random things.
I think alcohol opens you up....well it does for me anyways! With the alcohol in me...I text my close friend and told her i like her. She didn't responded well...and she said that it was awkward. I haven't spoken to her since! What am i suppose to do?...I have just trying to distract by finding things to do these last couple of days and not think about it, but i guess....when i lay in bed at night, i began to think....
oh wells....don't ask me how huge the possibilities is, because we will never know.
You know how ppzl say its hard to be friends with your ex....well what about being rejected by a girl?....especially if u known each other pretty well.
Well...life goes on! Until my next post!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Annoyed!!!
When you are annoyed....u cant concentrate!
Example; annoyed at everything that has happened these last a couple of days! Cant research...reading one line just makes me more pissed off! I hardly get pissed off but people around me really give me a reason to be.
F***** researching something i find ridiculously stupid! ARGGHHHH!
Example; annoyed at everything that has happened these last a couple of days! Cant research...reading one line just makes me more pissed off! I hardly get pissed off but people around me really give me a reason to be.
F***** researching something i find ridiculously stupid! ARGGHHHH!
Saturday, September 10, 2011
second time meeting
Ok! Getting straight to business tonight!
Well...after dinner with my mates, i went to woolies to hopefully ask her for her number. I rocked up at 7.45 PM, hoping that it would be late enough where there was no ppzl but there were heaps...guess late nite grocery shopping is common.
The moment I walked in, she saw me and was looking straight at me. Not even a subtle glance. Seems like she was expecting...hoping me to come? Anyways, I waited a while went toward the checkout. I said hi to her, and then ask her how was her night? She replied "not too bad thanks"
As I wanted to talk more, some lady lined up behind me. So didn't have more of a chance to talk to her. However, although I did not get her number like I had planned, I made an impression AND I have a feeling that she also likes me too. I guess I am going to have to do my grocery shopping every friday now, instead of the weekend like I used to.
I think 1-2 more times, I will be able to ask for her number. FOR SURE!!! OR D-TRYING! :)
Anyways, feeling tired....must work on my MPE 3000 word Report! I wish i knew a social worker who can help me with this weird assignment!
Until next time...
Well...after dinner with my mates, i went to woolies to hopefully ask her for her number. I rocked up at 7.45 PM, hoping that it would be late enough where there was no ppzl but there were heaps...guess late nite grocery shopping is common.
The moment I walked in, she saw me and was looking straight at me. Not even a subtle glance. Seems like she was expecting...hoping me to come? Anyways, I waited a while went toward the checkout. I said hi to her, and then ask her how was her night? She replied "not too bad thanks"
As I wanted to talk more, some lady lined up behind me. So didn't have more of a chance to talk to her. However, although I did not get her number like I had planned, I made an impression AND I have a feeling that she also likes me too. I guess I am going to have to do my grocery shopping every friday now, instead of the weekend like I used to.
I think 1-2 more times, I will be able to ask for her number. FOR SURE!!! OR D-TRYING! :)
Anyways, feeling tired....must work on my MPE 3000 word Report! I wish i knew a social worker who can help me with this weird assignment!
Until next time...
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The Concept of Secrets
The Concept of Secrets is when 1 person has something that he/she does not want a second person to know. If there was a 2nd person who finds out, then that secret is a risk of being known by the 3rd, 4th, 5th...etc
Last night, I felt one of my big secrets was found out from a very close...my best friend back home. I don't feel any regrets that the thing I kept close to my heart is now known by a 2nd person....but I think I let myself go too often.
I hope that this post reminds me to not be in a vulnerable position like last nite. I'm the type that would try to show the least emotion out of all my friends. I keep things...sad or bitterness inside and constantly mask it with a smiling face.
90% of my friends think that I am too immature and honestly its the way i shield myself against showing any vulnerability. Everyone says its hard to be mature when you are immature. Try being immature when you are mature. I feel that's a lot harder!
One of my closet mate (Mike) said to me one nite! Everyone in this world puts on a mask/act when they are around others. Its so nature to them that they don't even know that they are doing it. I totally agree with what he is saying because its the truth.
For example: Someone who is nice...is it because they are nice? or is it because they know they have to be nice to be treated nicely in return? Either way, its hard to judge because everyone has different reasons/motives on why they act in a certain way.
For me? I like to believe I am nice, down to earth type of guy.
Do I act this way to be accepted? I cant honestly say no because I act the way people expect of me so I can fit into society...but it isnt necessary mean that its a bad thing!
Tomorrow is Friday! and it the day I will try to get the Woolworths girl number. Oh Yikes I am a little freaked out but I tell myself, I have nothing to lose + she is very pretty :P
Time to sleepzzzzz :)
Last night, I felt one of my big secrets was found out from a very close...my best friend back home. I don't feel any regrets that the thing I kept close to my heart is now known by a 2nd person....but I think I let myself go too often.
I hope that this post reminds me to not be in a vulnerable position like last nite. I'm the type that would try to show the least emotion out of all my friends. I keep things...sad or bitterness inside and constantly mask it with a smiling face.
90% of my friends think that I am too immature and honestly its the way i shield myself against showing any vulnerability. Everyone says its hard to be mature when you are immature. Try being immature when you are mature. I feel that's a lot harder!
One of my closet mate (Mike) said to me one nite! Everyone in this world puts on a mask/act when they are around others. Its so nature to them that they don't even know that they are doing it. I totally agree with what he is saying because its the truth.
For example: Someone who is nice...is it because they are nice? or is it because they know they have to be nice to be treated nicely in return? Either way, its hard to judge because everyone has different reasons/motives on why they act in a certain way.
For me? I like to believe I am nice, down to earth type of guy.
Do I act this way to be accepted? I cant honestly say no because I act the way people expect of me so I can fit into society...but it isnt necessary mean that its a bad thing!
Tomorrow is Friday! and it the day I will try to get the Woolworths girl number. Oh Yikes I am a little freaked out but I tell myself, I have nothing to lose + she is very pretty :P
Time to sleepzzzzz :)
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
a dream within a dream
Just had to write this....last night had such a weird dream.
Okay...so this is what happened...I was sitting in a grass field with a friend of mine, who i massively am head over heels for....Shes perfect, I have not known any girl up to date that is more fitting for me. Well...she is definitely the type of girl you would be happy to bring home to meet the parents.....anyways in reality she is dating this jerk which I hate soo much. I don't know if its the fact that he is a jerk or that he is dating the girl of my dreams that why i hate him.
Anyways....back to the story...I was sitting in the grass field, there was a soccer goal and we were playing soccer. I then sat down, she ran over to me and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. As i did that her jerk bf came over and wanted to start a fight. He is pretty big....(I MUST TANK UP AFTER THIS YEAR) and punched me in the face. Before he punched me, I said "Go ahead, u can only resort to violence to get ur way", even though I tried fighting back but I got smashed pretty bad....had blood all over. Kinda blacked out and pretty much I then woke up in my own bed...realising that was just a dream.
Surprisingly I walked over to my cousins room and told him all about it...it seemed soo real but then for some reason I had a weird feeling....I then questioned myself "Is this really happening? like...can this be a dream?" I then woke up in my own bed. I was soo amazed because it was like I had a dream within a dream. This totally reminds me of INCEPTION, such a great movie...this has to be like the 2nd time this has ever happened to me. I just had to write this post to remind me about this event.
About the dream....If i could have that dream over and over again....even to the pt I got badly smashed by that guy, I would want to have that dream again. The moment when i was with her in the dream was amazing...really I am going back home next yr if i pass everything....I hope i can....I wonder how I am going to act when I see her. I guess I still cant get over my feelings for her but I am sure I will next yr. If i find out one thing about her....its either a yes or no, it will completely change my feelings towards her.
I think i better go find some uni work to do now...tomr is practical day. I prefer any other day but prac day because I feel like its just not useful since I wont be going to be doing work in the pharmaceutical industry. I am soo glad I have great prac partners because they make my day bearable.
BYES BYES!!! =)
Okay...so this is what happened...I was sitting in a grass field with a friend of mine, who i massively am head over heels for....Shes perfect, I have not known any girl up to date that is more fitting for me. Well...she is definitely the type of girl you would be happy to bring home to meet the parents.....anyways in reality she is dating this jerk which I hate soo much. I don't know if its the fact that he is a jerk or that he is dating the girl of my dreams that why i hate him.
Anyways....back to the story...I was sitting in the grass field, there was a soccer goal and we were playing soccer. I then sat down, she ran over to me and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. As i did that her jerk bf came over and wanted to start a fight. He is pretty big....(I MUST TANK UP AFTER THIS YEAR) and punched me in the face. Before he punched me, I said "Go ahead, u can only resort to violence to get ur way", even though I tried fighting back but I got smashed pretty bad....had blood all over. Kinda blacked out and pretty much I then woke up in my own bed...realising that was just a dream.
Surprisingly I walked over to my cousins room and told him all about it...it seemed soo real but then for some reason I had a weird feeling....I then questioned myself "Is this really happening? like...can this be a dream?" I then woke up in my own bed. I was soo amazed because it was like I had a dream within a dream. This totally reminds me of INCEPTION, such a great movie...this has to be like the 2nd time this has ever happened to me. I just had to write this post to remind me about this event.
About the dream....If i could have that dream over and over again....even to the pt I got badly smashed by that guy, I would want to have that dream again. The moment when i was with her in the dream was amazing...really I am going back home next yr if i pass everything....I hope i can....I wonder how I am going to act when I see her. I guess I still cant get over my feelings for her but I am sure I will next yr. If i find out one thing about her....its either a yes or no, it will completely change my feelings towards her.
I think i better go find some uni work to do now...tomr is practical day. I prefer any other day but prac day because I feel like its just not useful since I wont be going to be doing work in the pharmaceutical industry. I am soo glad I have great prac partners because they make my day bearable.
BYES BYES!!! =)
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