Had to write

Okay! I know I from my previous post I would write regularly but I haven't due to been pretty stressed with work and I had a week in Sydney.

Lets start with Sydney, it was a big city well...anything is big compared to Adelaide. The first few days sucked while we were in sydney (My cousin came with me). I was always feeling under the weather, it wasn't till the end of the trip that I felt abit better. The food was awesome as expected...though I feel Yumcha in Melbourne was alot better. The highlight was definitely Hurricanes and Hard Rock Cafe. The city is very vibrant and lively, there were always shows and events which is good. It really does seem like my type of city as there are always things to do and places to go. MARCH 22nd - 28th

Ever since i came back from the trip, I've been immersed to my daily routine which is working 6 days a wk. Its ridiculous, because every time I go home I am too tired to do any study. I few days ago I stood up to my pharmacist and told him I really cant work 6 days a wk anymore. It didn't go down well...cutting the story short, i got told to wait for a few more wks until he can find a replacement dispense tech. Honestly WTF because in less than 2 months I have my written exam. I just gotta keep on pushing for my actual day off. But I doubt he gives a shit about me to even let me have my day off.

I am sooo pissed off with work....I now realised moving back to do intern was a mistake. It might have been the dumbest career move up to date. I hate soo many things in life, but always try to look for positives to compensate but at the moment, not to sound emo but I hate my life sooo much due to work and other things going on in my life that I cant find any positives that could cheer me up or compensate for the hole I am in.

Through these past few weeks, I really have come to realised that I miss Brisbane! Life was easy, work...study...friends and if I really wanted I could always fly back down to Adelaide. The more I have contact time with my family, theres seems to be more conflicts. I know that they say u can choose ur friends but you cant choose ur family but theres another saying......just because you dont see each other doesn't mean you are far apart. ----> WHY AM I SOOO PHILOSOPHICAL????

As I am writing this...I realised these next 2-3 wks, are gonna be tough...I need to get my modules done due in 20 days. and...after that I have less than 1 month to prepare for my written exam. Oh fun fun....*sarcasm* ---> not like we didnt already know I was being sarcastic.

My plan....hibernate in my room these next couple of wks, concentrate hard on my assessments and exams. And...avoiding much conversation with the family since really not in the mood due to many reasons.

Ok! I gotta atleast attempt 1 module tonite

I'm back

One of my closest friend recently showed me his website. http://thewealthguidecompany.com/

and this has sparked my blog! I will try and post once a wk atleast from now on.

That is all for now....until next time!

is it a mistake?

Is it a mistake?

Lately I haven't been myself ever since I got back home! I feel soo weird! Besides my closest friend which she hasn't changed much....besides her hair which she dyed!

Missing brisbane like sooo much! I really like the freedom! Going back home, parents are always nagging me and expect me to just do as they say....Its like I want to have my own down time too. Its like all that matters to them is work + family! I mean I've been working 6 days a wk ever since i got back and when I go out they get upset with me. Its just like errrr....I need sometime to socialise with others. Even though majority of the ADL ppzl are really not my type of crowd....well my old/uni friends anyways. I think I just need to find a new crowd and hopefully they are down to earth.

Today I went to lunch! there a couple that i really dislike...yes its always him! Anyways..they were the last two ppzl I wanna see and yet...I had to bump into them. The girl who is soo whipped by the guy, said hi and then walked off. And the guy just totally walked by like I didnt existed. What a FAG! like he's a puny 2nd yr pharmacy student and she is a full pharmacist! Shes too gd for him but hey...she must have done something super bad in her past life to deserve him. Watever...they are non-existent to me.

oh...on a passing note, I passed everything which was sucha relief! I was 1% off of getting a HD (7)....overall I got straight 6's (3 D's) which was a shock to me. YAY! 4th yr was awesome!

3 more sleeps till i go back up bris for my graduation! I can't wait!!!

Anyways tired...blog next time!

ok! time to update....

Its been quite sometime since I last wrote....I know I always do this! But I did mentioned in my last posts that I wont be posting for a while due to exams.

Well let me update on things...I got most of my marks back...I'm waiting for my "Quality Use Of Medicines" written exam marks. I think that before an exam can be stressful but its really the waiting for results which really affects me.

The oral exam was fine but I barely passed it which makes me even more worried about my written exam.

After the exams I just pretty hanged out with all my friends before I flew back home. Back home now....started working full time, 6 days a wk! Not to mention it takes an hr to get to work...so basically, 2hrs on the road each day! Which sucks...I don't miss the uni work and stress of exams but then I dislike working. sigh....its a Monday again tomr!

I recently been thinkin "The scariest thing about distance is that you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget you" This is the feeling I am getting from leaving brisbane....I am sure I will keep in touch with all of them though I am sure feelings of closeness will fade. And...this already has been witnessed when I got back home where my Adelaide friends....I dont even feel like I am close to anyone really. I think I have to try and be proactive and just go meet new ppzl since I feel like sucha loner.

Anyways...2 more days till my results! At midnight on the 30th of Nov I will receive a text to my fone...gosh its scary! I shall know my fate....praying I will pass. I hope I do...

Anyways....gonna sleep! Soo hate waking up early for work but that's life! Work life is sooo boring! I must find a girl friend this year damn it!!!

Whats on my mind

I’M WAS HAPPY BEING SINGLE.
I was honestly, there are times when don’t want a relationship. but sometimes there are those times when you see a cute couple or something and then you just want to have someone. someone to show off, someone you can call your’s, someone who would be a part of your daily routine, just someone you know will be there for you.

Anyways....I haven't wrote in a while now...after tonight I have 7 days till my first exam! I am sooo worried....have not been sleeping right and I feel like I have done nothing these past couple of days. If I dont pull out some miracle studies and get things in my brain I will seriously fail! I really don't want to fail because theres alot riding on me passing.

1. My parents and brother am expecting me to come back home.
2. My cousin is also leaving bris so I where will i live next yr if i had to stay another year up here?
3. I already have internship sorted out....and I also will be working as soon as I finish my exams so for me to not pass these exams will just kill me.
4. My friends back home who did intern this yr have passed their exams and so now they are registered pharmacists. For me to not pass and be another yr behind them will be very like a dagger through my heart!
5. People back home knows that I will be back so if I cant pass, I wont be able to show my face to anyone. Some may read this and think its all about pride but there's alot more to it than pride. Sure it is a reason but not just that!

I cant really even think of any other time when I have been under this much pressure and depressed...I just want to pass, hopefully I can! I pray I can!

Dont know when I will post next.....maybe when I need a break from all these studies or might be after my exams. Either way I am going to have to get really serious now!

Byes!

Imperfections adds character....

Why do girls have to go take cosmetic surgery? Their look is the gift from above that was chosen for them! What they lack on the outside beauty they make up for in the inside. Once girls who undergone changes, it seems that the beauty inside of them fades away. Maybe they think that they are now beautiful and need to act differently. Little do they know...they might look beautiful on the outside but their genes don;t change and so their kids (not saying this will happen) but wont be as beautiful as them.

A funny story I grew up with was that some Asian girl went back to Asia (where surgery is dirt cheap)had a total face change. As she was about to leave back home to Australia...her passport picture did not match up to her new face so obviously they couldn't let her leave. She was forced to stay in Asia for nearly 6 months and had to get all these identifications done by her + her family. It was the dumbest story ever...like why would u do that? I guess I will never know...because I am happy with how I look. Dont get me wrong...there are things that I would like to change about myself, physically....but I tell myself, this is what was given to me by my parents and a higher power up there, changing it would be disrespecting them. Besides I am a strong believer of inner beauty over outer beauty so for me to resort to those people would never happen.

Over the summer holidays, I saw a friend who I was shocked to see. She used to have this mole on her face. It was very noticeable but when I saw her that day, I couldn't see it anymore. I didn't ask her as we recently became very distant but I found out later that she had it removed. Even though it wasn't major cosmetic surgery....it is still class the same as the others. I wondered why she did it...was it because she was unhappy with that mole? I mean she did live with it for 22 years of her life....Why now? OR Was it because her boyfriend who has a big influence on the person she has become got her thinking about removing the mole? Either way I was shocked to see her fave without a mole....I went home that night and laid in bed and just kept thinking.....theres nothing wrong with the mole being removed if she feels that it has made her more confident as a person, I just hope she is happy and did it for the right reasons. But then again....she removed a mole which in the eyes of 99% of people, she is more attractive now.

I think I am the weird....lets say unique or special 1% that sees that the mole had added character to her and I Liked it when she had the mole. If I was her boyfriend I would support her on whether she wanted it removed or not....make it her choice but let her know that I would love her no matter with or without the mole! I would not love her any less...Even till this day, if I ever talk to her again I would stand by my thinking and tell her I think she looked better with the mole. Maybe she will not understand why but that's how I see it.

Anyways...I woke up this morning at 9AM....its 9.40 now! I better plan what I need to do today and hopefully get some major studying done! 19 days left!

A out =)

Tonight! I am ARGHHHH!!!! FUCK!!!

I am sooo angry right now!!!

I was driving home from dinner and I got caught speeding by some shitty van! It flashed and clearly I was caught! I was doing 70km on a 60km rd! Okay....get this....I pride myself of never getting caught speeding and this is my first one I ever got, which is why its such a big deal for me.

The only reason why I even got caught was because the road was a down hill road! Hence my speed had to increase! It wasnt like I was gonna break and slow my speed down when it was a downward road. Thats soo stupid! I swear...I dont have the time and money to deal with this at the moment! today I recently did my AHPRA registration which is where all pharmacy intern students have to do before commencing intern! It cost me $258 which has burned a whole through my wallet! And not only that I purchased my tickets flight back home which also set me back $139! Getting fine is sooo not cool!

If i got caught speeding on a straight road then yes....it was my own stupidity but I was going down hill and my speed automatically increases without me even accelerating/ This is sooo unjust! I am going to call up the Queensland Transport and speak to someone about this. I am sooo sure that they are not allow to catch anyone for speeding when going down hill! HOW RIDICULOUS!!!

ARGHHHHHH!!!!! I dont know how I am going to sleep tonight, let alone concentrate on studying! I have 21 days left till my first exam! Honestly F*** THIS!!!

Gonna call tomr....but doubt I can do anything! My two friends told me that it is not illegal for them to catch me while going downhill! BULLSHIT!!! When I am mad...swearing is a way to let it out.

I know I cant turn back time and just have to pay the fine, move on!!!

ARGHHHH will always remember this day!

is this it?

Sometimes I feel that I really cant handle certain situations!

Everyone thinks I am some Extrovert type of person who can be put into any scene and will adapt to it like that *snaps fingers* But really...I am not that type of person at all.

Like yesterday, that friend of mine who I wrote in my last post approached me! I just said hi and then completely ignored her. I think its because I was still mad at her. She saw I was giving her the cold shoulder and just walked off.

What was I supposed to do? Go on and act like I am all cool with her betraying me? Or How little she sees our friendship?

I have no idea when we still start talking again and even if we did, I know one things for sure and that is we can never be the same or be close again! It really sucks...I wanted to leave Uni with having lifelong friends....even though I wasn't attracted to her as in more than a friend but I would have still hoped to be friends....I think as soon as we leave uni and start working, we will just distant ourselves and lose contact completely.

Well...what can I do? This is the person I am! I talked to a friend online....I did ask that friend of mine, how to would she deal with betrayal and basically weighing things up.....forgiveness would be her choice. I told her I would find it super hard to forgive because theres not many things that could get to me but if it does then it has to be something big! After i said that....my friend goes to me "well...I'll make sure I don't do anything that can make you mad a me" I said "ur too nice so that will never happen"

That was just being nice because I know even the nicest person can do something one day I might not like....its whether if I see it as something I am strongly against or cant accept which hence will really test my friendship for the person.

Anyways....I have 3 weeks till exams! Time to really get serious with my studies and not bother about anything else. Have 2 exams....nearly at the end of the road. I can almost see it....I have to try or else I will never forgive myself, knowing i did not try in these 3 weeks.

A Out :)

feelings of....

disappointment!

Tonight I annoyed, angry, sad and confused. Our graduation dinner is in a months time, so a close friend of mine asked me to organise the table arrangements. I didn't mind it....she had 3 other friends! Total 4 of them.....+ Me and 2 of my mates =7

Hence I needed to find 3 more friends. I found them....and tonight, she wanted to pull out of the group. That really annoyed me! Apparently, these two other friends of her are also organising the seating arrangements and she picked to sit with them and not me.

1. It just shows where I stand compare to her other friends in her eyes
2. If so, she should have never asked me to even organise it in the first place.

Anyways....I feel soo betrayed! I dont know how i am gonna even look her in the eyes tomr at uni!....

I guess i am gonna email the QPSA ppzl and let them know we got 6 on our table and get them to randomly allocate 4 other randoms. I have not probs talking to strangers/randoms because i am talkative and easily approachable, but to have this feeling of what she did to me....is not cool! I am hurt...and mad! Dont know how long I will stay mad but one thing is for sure......I am not gonna ever forget this and gonna be hard for me to forgive.

A out >_<''

Bored....

Ok! So decided add a new entry becuz I am bored at the moment and really have nothing better to do.

I am suppose to do my MPE research and rock up to UNI of a day off to go through the speeches with my gp members. Some reason I cant seem to concentrate tonight and would rather do anything but the MPE!

So I've decided to act as a speech pathologist for the speech and really I have no idea at all really what they do...I mean I know they help patients with swallowing, speech and language difficulties but how? I really must find out by the end of tonight. A 5 minute speech will be quite challenging i think....so I just have to see how much information I can find....Pharmacy is sooo annoying! Like why would I want to know what other health professionals do in detail? I don't think other degrees force their students to study about what pharmacists do in detail! If I wanted to study to become a speech pathologist I would have enrolled in that program....argh!!! Its not cool! >_<''

1hr later.....was just browsing youtube and facebk! Just found out that you can actually block someone and they wont be able to find you on fb! Which is amazing...I found out this guy blocked me! He hates me....i really actually dont know. My reason for hating him is because he is a sly bastard, a jerk and also dating the girl I like. However, thinking about her now....I really dont care and I believe I really have totally lost interest in her. If I ever speak to her again...I just want to her to know "What ever happens, I hope you know...you deserve the best". A small part of me will always have feelings for her...she really is a nice person on the inside but her boyfriend is just a bad influence and shes turned out for the worse, but thats the path she has chosen and so I cant do much. I know there are better friends out there to make!

Anyways....time to start my MPE! hopefully I can make good progress in the next 2hrs and sleep at 12!

A-Out!